A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
