I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
