i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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