I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
