Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You ate ashes out of my bong
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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