I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
