No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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