All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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