I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
