and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
