I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
