im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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