Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
