Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
