Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
