peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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