Apparently you make a good broom.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
