kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
