He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
