As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Randomize
