You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
