are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
