opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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