I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
