guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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