Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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