I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
