my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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