I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
