i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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