I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
