No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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