There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
