My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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