oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
