some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How's work?
Spinning.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
