Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
