I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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