if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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