I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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