im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
