Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
