I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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