I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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