pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
