I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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