yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
