so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Then you guys just all showered together...?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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