pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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