you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
